I Hear you

KEEP THE QUESTIONS COMING!
        I know how it can be to want answers to something that you don't have the courage to ask.
                                                                      OR
                                   to want to ask something but your embarrassed to.

If you have a question about the dating process, please send it to me so I can answer it here on my blog. Chances are, you aren't the only one with that question, most of the time other people have that same question in the back of their head and it goes unanswered because no one steps forward and has the courage to ask.

I'm offering to help.

If I can't answer it, I'll find someone who can...!

Be bold, and Shoot me your questions below in the comment bar. If you want to keep yourself anonymous, that's fine, then send your question directly to my email: elsienleonardo@yahoo.com

whether you email me your question or write it in the comment bar below, I'll hear you, and I'll make sure you get an answer.

I'm waiting on you.............

(If you want to stay anonymous, and you email me your question, I'll put up the question on my blog and answer it, but I'll make sure to not use your name or any personal information)

I need a Man

Question from one of my bloggers and an answer by me:

I have been disappointed in the past and deep down I don't want to be hurt again, I just want to be loved. I will put my spiritual life first. If a man isn't direct with me I usually get turned off simply because I am a mature person with kids. I am beyond the silly, giggly don't know what to do or say phase. I don't even know what's love anymore

 

 

 

Dear blogger:

I understand your point completely and I agree with you. But I do want to say that love is suppose to be fun. Its suppose to allow you to be yourself, and flirty and have fun with your best friend. You can't allow yourself to be so serious to the point that you don't have any fun. 

 

I am with you when you say you want a straight forward guy or else you get turned off. I agree, that turns on any girl.

But, what if I told you that while dating, my husband put aside his seriousness to talk to me and get to know me. But, after we got married, he acted as if he already conquered what he wanted and he went back to being so serious all the time. And to me, that's a turn off because it was like he was cold towards me. All because of his seriousness. 

I didn't like that. It turned me off. But I loved him so I helped him by always talking to him and pointing out every time he would be cold towards me. Or when he would act so serious to the point that it didn't feel like we were in a relationship. It felt like we just worked together. We had lots of problems in our marriage until I realized that love is suppose to be fun. Its suppose to make you feel those butterflies in your stomach. Its suppose to allow you to be giggly and YES, even act a bit silly sometimes. Your partner is suppose to be your best friend (after God of course). After a while of helping my husband with what I called 'his flaw' he now is a whole lot better. He's still working on it, because that's just his personality. And yes, sometimes I still have to point out to him a thing here or there. But I will give him credit because he changed! Soon I won't need to point it out anymore. He'll get it on his own. Love takes work, but its an investment that pays off.

Again, I do agree with you. I think men need to Man up and Speak up. But some men could use a little help at it. However, If you find yourself having to always take the lead, then Run away from that, because we women need a MAN, not a boy.

How do I get a guy to ask me out?

 Question from one of my bloggers and my answer:

What do you do when you notice someone watching you?  When you get up close the person closes up to you. This has happened more than once to me. I don't understand men very much. I was married now I am divorced. He was unfaithful. Why are these men studying me but lack confidence to talk to me? I am just waiting for a real man with courage to come forth. I thought maturity come with age, these men are older but I don't see that. I am very easy to talk to and get along with. Why have I not been able to find love?

 

Dear reader:
Each man is different, they all have their own character and personality. For example, My man he is very serious and calm. But when we were dating or when he wanted to date me, he pushed that aside to get to know me. Not all men are like that.

Men were made with the hunting instinct, they naturally go after something they want. That comes natural to them. So I would say to you, if you notice a man watching you, or you hear he likes you. Let him come to you. If he really likes you, then whether he is a shy guy or not, he will have to man up and come up to you to ask you out or risk you slipping through his fingers. It would be his loss.

I personally don't think its right for a woman to go up to a man and say "hey, I like you, can I get your number so we can talk sometime" or " Can we go out". That's his job. If he cant find a way to put aside his shyness or, serious demeanor to get what he really wants, then he's not the man for you. That can even cause problems through out the relationship, (if you ever get into it) because he won't play his role as the man of the house. The leader of a family. That is serious stuff.



You can't walk around like this

But, if you know he really likes you, go up to him and just discreetly present yourself to him. Make friends with him, not because you think or know he likes you. I'm not saying ask him out, I'm just saying, make friends with him, let him see that your not this scary person. Do things like Go up to him every time you see him and say Hi, talk to him a bit, just to break the ice. Then you will be helping him to come up and ask you out if he likes you. If he doesn't take that step in asking you out, then he may not be that man for you.

We women, want to feel safe and protected by our man. We need to know that he's got our back, that he's gonna put his foot down when needed and show leadership. We don't say it, but we like when our man leads us. So don't stress. Do your part and God will do his.

After all, He did say "its not good for  man to be alone". 

I hope I was able to answer your question.
You know who you are

Note: Scroll all the way down to read my first couple of posts on how to find that right man of God. Check out what I did and what you can do too to find this Man God has for you.

 

What things do I need to do or know about before I get married?

Question from one of my bloggers and an answer by me

 

I wanted to find out what things I need to do or know about (doctor stuff???)before I get married? In the church ladies who will marry pastors go to the class, but there's nothing like that for girls like me.

Dear blogger,

Getting married is very exciting, I remember when I was getting married. It's a rush of so many things to do and excitement at the same time. Here is my list of things that you need to do and know about before getting married. This list is for the Bride to-be and the Groom to-be:

*Sex

You and your husband to-be must read the book called 'Act of marriage' it is a very old book. But is EXTREMELY essential to read. It's the how-to on Sex God's way.

 

 

*Know how to deal with marriage problems

you both must also read 'Bullet proof marriage' this will teach you how to deal with problems when they occur in your marriage. And how to prevent them. ( some marriage problems start right away. Some say the first year of marriage is the worst because you are still getting to know each other. My second year was the worst. I wish I had this book then. It would've saved me lots of trouble and headaches in my marriage.)

 

*Doctor's visit

The two of you should do a complete Doctor's check up. Here in America, it's not required by law anymore, but I think it's extremely necessary to do.

• Complete physical 
• HIV test. (Especially if you've been around before. You want to make sure that the two of you are coming into this relationship as healthy as possible)
• Ladies, a visit to the gynecologist. If you're a virgin, then there's not much to check, but you can discuss birth control methods, and have a Gynecologist on call for when you need it. If you're not a virgin, then go for your routine wellness exam, and to discuss birth control methods. (Keep in mind that after marriage, when you are sexually active, you have to see your GYN at least once a year for a routine check up)
• Men, go to the Urologist for a complete check up, and discuss any concerns that you may have. Including a check of hormone levels if you would like.

 

*Birth control methods

Unless you are trying to have a baby as soon as you get married, (Which I don't recommend you have a baby right away, you need to focus on the two of you getting to know each other first, before you can add a addition to the family). You must have some type of birth control method. There are numerous methods of birth control. The most common is the birth control pills and you need to start taking them at least one month before getting married and everyday in your married life until you decide to have a baby. The downside to these pills is some women have weight gains due to the pills. There are many methods (talk to your GYN or guys talk to your Urologist about your options). If you don't want to have any kids or don't want anymore kids, there is also options for that as well. (I don't recommend this option because sometimes they are irreversible).

 

*Your Wedding gown

Some ladies don't realize that they need to go after their dress as soon as they find out they are getting married. It takes weeks to find your dress and months for it to be ordered, and altered etc. Don't wait for the last minute or you will find your self without a wedding gown. Wedding gowns aren't your typical dress, they have lower cuts then usual, mostly strapless and so on. (My sister wore a strapless wedding gown and had her veil cover a bit of her shoulders. I had a low cut V-neck dress that wrapped around my neck and the back was a bit open). So be open minded on what's available, creative, and discreet at the same time.

 

*Your Bouquet

Go after your bouquet around the same time as your dress. Find out exactly what you want and find the best florist possible. Its better if its someone you know who can do a good job, or a florist that was recommended to you. These bouquets are expensive and they never get it just right. My sisters bouquet didn't come out the way she wanted it, and mines didn't either.

 

*Groom and groomsmen tuxedo's

This also takes a while because it needs to be ordered. Make sure you give yourself plenty of time for this. You have to make sure you match your bridal party, and make sure everything gets picked up days before the wedding to avoid mishaps.

 

*Rings need to be sized

Make sure the wedding rings have been sized. The last thing you want is to be wrestling to have that ring stay on your finger all day.

 

*Wife to be, you have to know how to cook and Iron

Learn how to cook. That's a must! Otherwise what are you guys going to eat. Outside food everyday is a No No. Go to my sisters blog inthekitchenwithelise.blogspot.com and learn to cook right away. Her recipes and tips along with my recipes and tips are all there. Ask questions if you need help. She will take care of you. Learn how to iron, because you will have to be ironing for not just one person, but two. You don't want your husband to be walking around with wrinkled clothes.

 

*Get married in city hall

You need to get married in the City hall about a month before getting married in church.

 

 

*Tip to the bridal glow

Eat lots fruits and vegetables for two weeks before your wedding. Your skin will glow!

and get plenty of sleep at least a week before you get married, do what ever you can to get as much sleep as possible. You'll need it.

 

Thanks for the question, I hope I was able to help and answered the questions that you had.

You know who you are.

 

 

Next question will be answered tomorrow. Make sure you visit back tomorrow for more on questions and answers.

What do you do when everyone doubts that person you want to date because of his past?

Question from one of my bloggers and an answer by me.......

What do you do when everyone doubts that person you want to date because of his past?
What do you think of a helper dating a member?
If you are a helper does your boyfriend need to have the Holy Spirit?

Dear blogger,

What do you do when everyone doubts that person you want to date because of his past?
You would have to pray about it and listen to what the Holy Spirit is telling you, think about it using your best judgment with all I have said in this article/post below. It could very well be that this guy is trying to move forward and leave his past behind him. But only time will tell what his true intentions are.

That's why I would personally go with the sign of the Holy Spirit, that's God telling me, "Hey, this guy is Approved by me!"

But its your life, you have to decide what's best for you. But remember, there's always going to be a consequence to the decisions you make. It may be a good consequence if you choose wisely or a bad consequence if you choose with your heart and not your head. But for sure it will be what you will have to live with. So choose wisely......



What do you think of a helper dating a member?
Me personally, I wouldn't want to take the risk, because its easier for a person that is not of God to take you away from God and to make you loose the Holy Spirit, then it is for you to bring that person to God. Though, I have to say that there are also numerous cases in the church that a helper has dated someone with out the Holy Spirit, and things worked out perfectly fine. They've gotten married, had kids and things continue to be fine. In some cases the person in the relationship who didn't have the Holy Spirit, ended up receiving the Holy Spirit along the way.

If you are a helper does your boyfriend need to have the Holy Spirit?
The Holy Spirit is God's precious Gem. He wants to share it with us, but He only shares it with those who He can trust. He only shares it with us because He loves us.

Think of it like this: Lets say you have a priceless treasure in your jewelry box, an Emerald or a Jadeite Gemstone. Its rare, its priceless..... You wouldn't just let anyone hold on to it.
I know if I had something like that, shoot....I wouldn't let No one hold it! It would be safe and hidden away for no one to touch. It doesn't matter how many people I love. I would select those who I would want near my Gem close enough to touch it. I would have to really trust you that, 1) you wouldn't drop it  2) you wouldn't try and take off with it and 3) you wouldn't try and kill me for it.

My point is: The same way if we have something so valuable, we would have to trust the people we let hold on to it. The same is with God. The Holy Spirit is His Gem. He only gives it to those who He can trust. Those who have the Holy Spirit is because God Himself gave it to you. Those who don't have it, is because they haven't gained God's trust yet. Something they are doing, or not doing is what's holding God back from trusting them.

With that said:
If God who is God, doesn't trust that person yet. I wouldn't trust him either!
God sees him where no one else does. God knows what is being done behind closed doors. And if He doesn't approve of this guy with His seal (Holy Spirit), then I wouldn't want anything to do with him. Because that means there's something going on with this person, that God sees and doesn't approve of. It simply means, He's not a man of God. You can only be of God when you have that seal from God, a sign that you belong to Him. That's the purpose of the Holy Spirit, to separate those who are of God and those who clearly aren't of God. That's how you can tell!


"Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart departs from the Lord" Jeremiah 17:5

Once again. Thanks for the question. And I hope I was able to help....
Your know who you are........

Next question will be answered tomorrow so keep looking out for it!

I Hear you

        I know how it can be to want answers to something that you don't have the courage to ask.
                                                                      OR
                                   to want to ask something but your embarrassed to.

If you have a question about the dating process, please send it to me so I can answer it here on my blog. Chances are, you aren't the only one with that question, most of the time other people have that same question in the back of their head and it goes unanswered because no one steps forward and has the courage to ask.

I'm offering to help.

If I can't answer it, I'll find someone who can...!

Be bold, and Shoot me your questions below in the comment bar. If you want to keep yourself anonymous, that's fine, then send your question directly to my email: elsienleonardo@yahoo.com

whether you email me your question or write it in the comment bar below, I'll hear you, and I'll make sure you get an answer.

I'm waiting on you.............

(If you want to stay anonymous, and you email me your question, I'll put up the question on my blog and answer it, but I'll make sure to not use your name or any personal information)

Who comes in First place?

  

  In your Godly relationship, if the person you are dating is truly of God. They to will be looking out for their relationship, finding the right one and being extra careful not to sin. At this point in your relationship you have been going out for a few months or possibly just about a year or more. You need to prove that you are of God, not only to God but to your partner and even to yourself. “Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves…” 2 Corinthians 13:5.

 What do I mean by this? I mean, do all that you possibly can to show that you are serious about making this relationship work. Continue doing what you did to get this person. Don’t stop being spiritual because you already got what you wanted. It’s not all over yet!

   Seek the Holy Spirit with all your heart. Regardless to whether you have the Holy Spirit or not. Continue to seek His presence, you need Him so much. Especially at this time in your life which is so critical. You want to succeed and do your part in this relationship without sinning. So seek, seek, seek and seek. “Ask and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.” Matthew 7: 7-8. Read your bible daily, meditate on His word. In general give your time and effort to God so that He can help you to overcome your flesh.

   Go to church as much as you can, be firm in the church, do as much as you can. Ask your pastor what you can do to help or what is needed. This proves to God that you are ready, that you are willing to do anything for Him to help and strengthen you both Physically/Spiritually and in this relationship. Give your time, energy, love and strength to God. Put Him above anyone. Put Him above your partner. Again PUT HIM ABOVE YOUR PARTNER. This is very important. Many times couples instead of putting God first, they put their partner first and that is completely wrong. It (The Relationship) won’t in any way work. How could it? God is the one that needs to be put first; not another human.

How to put God first:

• By giving Him most of your time, energy and love.

 

• If you are planning to go out with your partner, or speak to him/her on the phone before you have read the bible and seek the Holy Spirit for the day. Hold off on speaking or going out until you have done your daily part with God.

 

• Putting God first is your most important step. Instead of doing something for your partner, do something for God first. Before going out and speaking to your partner on the phone telling him/her how much you love them. First get on your hands and knees and thank God for what He has done for you. Tell Him how much you love Him. As is written our God is a jealous God. ” For I, the Lord your God am a jealous God…” Exodus 20:5.